Hope in Fractured Relationships and Forgiveness

Fractured Relationships and Forgiveness
 

"forgiveness is not a feeling,

forgiveness is an act of the will"

Corrie Ten Boom

Corrie Ten Boom - Forgive your Enemies (on youtube) - https://youtu.be/p7x27AQ8gks
           This video is Corrie telling the experience of her struggle to forgive a Nazi guard from the concentration camp where she was imprisoned. It reminds us that in the most trying circumstances where forgiveness is required "the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given for us." (Romans 5:5)

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forgiveness as a skill that can be learned

Resources are available to train ourselves to be more forgiving, if we are willing. Forgiveness is less a mystical and mysterious process and more a way of living.

To learn such skills you might want to visit the forgiveness project and look at the tools in their forgiveness toolbox: http://theforgivenessproject.com/programmes/toolbox

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Forgiveness is hard in the face of grievous injuries. Here is what author David Chotka proposes as a biblical way of defining a process of forgiveness that is distinctly Christian. As I mentioned in the message, forgiveness is not just a feeling, it is a process. (Power Praying by David Chotka)

This process can be used personally or share with another.

forgiveness as a process

1. Take one of the memories of where you have been deeply hurt or injured, name the fact that the person, situation, group, etc.. truly did injure you and you have paid a dear price for that injury
2. Declare to the LORD that you will absorb their sin (this is what forgiveness does) and bear the cost of their injuring you
3. Picture the cross of Christ. Deliberately place this pain-memory on the cross of Christ and tell the Lord you will not pick it up again. (Anytime the memory returns, return to this picture of the sin against you lifeless on the cross of Christ.)
4. Choose to pray a blessing that will make the person who sinned against you more like Christ. (If she stole from you, pray that she would receive generosity. If he lied, that he becomes utterly truthful from now on. If she manipulated a situation at your expense, pray that she becomes forthright and fair.) Bless that person with this prayer every time you remember her and ask God to fill that one with His presence.
5. Close your prayer with thanksgiving that God has had mercy on us and saved us from the sheer justice of paying for our every sin by the death of Jesus on the cross.

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In his book Forgiveness, Adam Hamilton describes a simple process for acknowledging smaller fractures in relationships - RAP (from Forgiveness - Finding Peace Through Letting Go by Adam Hamilton)

• Remember your shortcomings - not one of us sails through life flawlessly, the one you are judging is someone in need of grace as much as you are, you've probably hurt others in the very way you are judging
• Assume the best of people - the slight you are experiencing, is it an actual attack on you or simply a pretty good person having a bad day?
• Pray for them - once again the Christian response to being slighted/injured always lands back into the command to pray for the other

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Scriptures to consider in places where forgiveness is a struggle - anywhere that forgiveness is commanded, you can know that Christ is there to make you strong to carry through

1.    “But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive you your transgressions.” – Mark 11:25

2.       “I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.” - Luke 7:47

3.       “and forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.” – Lord’s prayer

4.      " Even if that person wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and asks forgiveness, you must forgive." – Luke 17:4

5.        "If you forgive anyone’s sins, they are forgiven. If you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven." – John 20:23

6.       "Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you." – Ephesians 4:3

7.       "Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. – Colossians 3:13

8.       "Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven." – Luke 6:37

9.      " If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you."  – Matthew 6:14

10.     Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone^[a]who sins against me? Seven times?”  “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!Matthew 18:21-22

11.      Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. 33 Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you? – Matthew 18:32-33